To Haw-Haw is Better Than to Jaw-Jaw

Some superstitious people were setting off firecrackers "to scare away evil spirits"
A skeptic asks "but does it work?"
"Yes," came the reply, "do you see any of them now?"
(inspired by an old joke)

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The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.
(A saying. Notice the sarcastic word "look.")

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Desert God to Mother Nature: "Look ma, no body!"

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God is the guru when the guru's high on hashish.
The Devil is the guru when the guru's drunk
Such is the Jekyll & Hyde personality of the dodgy guru.

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Gott strafe England
God save the queen
God this, God that
God the other thing
Good God, said God
I've got my work cut out!
(an old saying)

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Catastrophes happen when God gets up from the wrong side of the bed and goes on a horrendous killing spree which his own devotees call the Act of God.

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It's better to say "God blessed me with a dozen children" than to say "we've got nothing better to do."

Similarly, it's better to say "thank God for putting all these good food on the dinner table" than to say "I have to work my ass off -- even beg, borrow or steal-- to put food on the table."

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Visitor: "God has been mighty kind to your field, Mr Farmer."
Farmer: You should have seen what happened to it when I wasn't around.
(from the Internet)

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Excuse me, I'm looking for the book "Proof of God's Existence"
Store staff: This way please to the Fiction Department.
(inspired by a joke)

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We love God - fried, boiled, baked, and BBQ-ed -- and pass the ketchup and mustard, please.

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True story
"Why do you say 'Gosh' if you don't believe in God?" snapped a cantankerous old geyser.
"And why did you say 'by Jove' all the time if you don't believe in Jupiter, the old Roman god?" I countered.
We both went quiet smirking at one another, and we never heard ourselves uttering "by Jove!" or "Gosh!" ever again.

*

A colleague bade me a "see you" while leaving after finishing his work.
I mumbled back a "see you" and wished him, under my breath, "may your God be with you."

You see, I don't want anyone, man or God, breathing down my neck while I'm doing porn on the Web.

*

A young man in his Sunday best was smiling and looking up to the sky. He wasn't praying or greeting God by any chance. He was simply posing for a satellite photo. (seen on Internet)

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Spook addict: God gave this land to me
Atheist: And God gave a dozen scrawny kids to the dirt poor couple at the edge of the slum.

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Spook believer: I believe in supernatural beings, such as God, Satan, angels, souls and spirits.
Atheist: I believe in Cinderella, Jack & Jill, Humpty-Dumpty, Alice in Wonderland, the Mother Goose and the Pied Piper.

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Spookist: I believe in Heaven and Hell.
Atheist: And I believe Nasa has a secret chocolate factory on Mars.

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All Souls Day: When Heaven opened up its gate and all hell broke loose.

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Spook devotee: I've seen saints and angels come marching in.
Atheist: And I've seen big cats of the jungle queuing up and trying to purr like a kitty at the butcher's section of the supermarket.

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What is mind?
Not matter.
What is matter?
Never mind!
(An old joke. Note that "not matter" and "never mind" have double meanings.)

*

Adam was known to his descendants as the First Banana Man -- whatever that means -- as the rumor goes.

SPILLING THE BEANS 2

Life, Humanity
Modern man is, in computer parlance, just an upgraded version of the primitive man, with the basic operating system remaining wholly intact. That is why we find both the civilized and the savage existing side by side in him.

Humans are the only creatures who can stand apart and look at themselves critically, warts and all.

Man is a caricature of what he could have been if only he had the means to be the creator.

If God existed he would have sued us long ago for claiming he created such terrible and funny creatures as mankind.

Primitive man is alive and well in us despite our veneer of civilization.

You can turn a man into a mouse but you cannot turn a mouse into a man.


Religion, God, Atheism
Did you know what the desert guru said to the devotees after creating God and religion?
Raising a goblet brimming with foaming camel pee, he shouted a toast: "Here's sand in your eyes!"

God is the Active X of the universe, claim religions.

Atheism is about going cold turkey on religion. Addicts of religion, on the other hand, only like to swap one superstition with another when they have a crisis of belief.

The only kingdom that God or gods rule is mythdom.

Religions are the cancer of the mind -- and mostly incurable.


Sex
Adam and Eve did what came naturally. You don't need any so-called knowledge for that.


Universe
Anyone who seriously and literally considers the universe as a sentient living thing is wandering into the realm of poetry and metaphor.

Maybe one day we could become the guinea pigs of super intelligent robots and our home the Earth a zoo.

Long after mankind has disappeared, super-intelligent robots will remain active and rule the roost.


Life
We live because we exist. Simple as that!

"The law exempts Death from taking a life! It's my job, my responsibiity, and it's the law of nature. Nothing personal," says Death.

God and Satan are victims of a bum rap staged by scheming gurus to manipulate people.

Life is just a passing show, and we are both performers and audience. 


Animals
Animals are born losers, a pity.

Quotations
Mostly dead men talking.


Morality
Mother Nature is amoral

Thus Spake Satan

THUS SPAKE SATAN
Dateline: The Twilight Zone

The Devil
His face looked like a traffic signal gone bust
-- red lights flashing
His eyes are like a pair of searchlights
that goes right through you
His head sports a pair of glistening horns
sharper than a surgeon's knife
His tail swishes rapidly like a sharp lash
when he is excited, or thinking hard
or angry

His name is Satan, the reputed evil incarnate of the world. He has, in fact, many aliases: Lucifer, Fallen Angel, but people simply call him the Devil. That's OK. He likes to be famous. They also call him the Horny One. He likes that one too. "They don't call me the Horny One for nothing," he likes to boast, his tail a-swishing.

*

The Iron Lady
She's unflappable.
She's tough as nails.
She's been through hard times:
wars, revolutions, genocides, riots
And she's got scars to show for it

And that's not all
She's been at the scene
of grisly murders, road carnage,
suicides, bombings -- you name it.
But nothing shocks, nothing unnerves her

She's a press persona - a chronicler of the passing show. They call her the "Iron Lady of Journalism" but she laughs off the sobriquet: "The only Iron Lady I know is the owner of the hardware store at the street corner," she used to tell her admirers laughingly. People also say she's cold -- cold as steel. "Don't believe them," she shoots back with a grin, "butter certainly does melt in my mouth."

*

Special invitation
She was here by a special invitation from the Devil himself due to her reputation as a tough and fair-minded journalist -- someone who tells it like it is.

*

The press conference
"Ah, the Iron Lady," Satan greeted the journalist. "Great to see you here ma'am. Welcome to the Twilight Zone. I had asked for your presence because the guru and his toadies are spreading so much lies about me and God, and everyone else here, that I felt I must speak out in defense to save our honor and reputation," he said.

"OK, I'm all ears, shoot!" said the Iron Lady playfully, grabbing her pencil and notebook. (Tape-recorders don't work in the Twilight Zone)

Lies, lies and more lies
The Devil got down to business.

"We are the creatures that the guru concocted out of his own feverish imagination. Our world is a projection of the guru's turbulent and meandering mind. Although he's dead and gone -- and let me assure you his so-called spirit is nowhere around here -- his liveried servants in white robes are keeping us alive by telling brazen lies and tall stories about us, especially about me and my friend God.

First lie
"For instance, they blame me for what's supposed to have taken place at the Garden of Eden. They say I was the one who disguised himself as the serpent and made Eve seduce Adam, and for everything else that followed," the Devil claimed. "In fact, I was behind the apple tree and watched the exciting show," he said, pretending to drool. (Guffaws all around.)

"Also, in fact I was the one who stole and swallowed the apple," he mockingly confessed, pointing at the protruding lump in his throat. "Believe me, it's my apple now, not Adam's" he joked. (Guffaws continued.)

The second lie
The second lie is that I'm supposed to be a fallen angel. Imagine that! Truth is, although I was never drunk, I did trip and fell once and bumped my head. That's when my two horns sprouted up. Now they call me the Horny One. Not that I mind."  (More guffaws.)

The Iron Lady looked amused but said nothing.

And the next
"The next lie was that I'm said to be behind everything that is evil on this earth," Satan continued. "As a human yourself, I'm sure you know that humans don't need us to teach them how to rape, murder, commit genocide and start wars. I'm sure humans are naturally and fully capable of that kind of behavior.

"In fact, I'm sure you know that I, or for that matter, anyone of us here, have never done anything like that. Nor, for that matter, are we capable of it, unfortunately (Devil comically acts crestfallen). You see, our imaginary nature makes us innocent of all the lies the gurus and their bootlickers tell about us. Truth is, we are not even capable of moving a single strand of downy hair from a baby's head. And yet people blame me and God for everything that goes wrong in your world," the Devil complained.

A bum rap!
The Iron Lady agreed. "I know it's a bum rap! In my more than a decade of being on the frontline of wars, genocides, and gruesome murders I've seen only humans who butcher one another in the name of all kinds of ideologies and beliefs, religious or political. I didn't see or could I think of any spooky being who could be behind it."

"Exactly," said Satan. "Human mendacity," Satan added. The Iron Lady smiled. "Back home we call it bullshitting," she chimed in. Satan laughed at the bluntness and added:."They can say anything bad about me but let me say this about God: He's innocent and absolutely harmless, just like the rest of us here. In fact, God is the coolest cat this side of the universe," Satan said.

         "God is the coolest cat this side of the universe"

"He speaks very little and detests humans since so much falsehoods have been spoken about him. But my friend God maybe has a few things to say about himself," said Satan prompting God and turning to a seemingly empty spot next to him. When the journalist looked perplexed Satan pointed out that God is invisible and immaterial because that's how the guru had created him.

Then God spoke: "First let me make this clear and repeat what my friend Satan has said: I and my fellow beings in this fantasy world don't exist in your real world. The make-believe world and ourselves were created by the guru himself to scare people, deceive them, threaten them, make them praise and obey him and do all his bidding. He shouted himself hoarse, in God's name, demanding that people worship him, love him, and obey him.

A dodgy guru
"He was a cunning, lying, deceiving charlatan who conned the naive and the woolly-headed. And the masses just lap up his lying words. He created me, ascribed fabulous 'attributes' like omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence etc, put words in my mouth and then start quoting me, chapter and verse, as saying them. He even had his words and some trash written down and called it a "holy book" containing "the word of God" although I've never even uttered a word out there in your real world. Not that I could since I'm just a figment of the guru's mind," God said.

God wants to sue religions
"The guru also said that I created humans and the universe. That's another big lie. I wish I could get a human lawyer and sue the guru's religion and his garbage book for defamation," God continued. "As Satan has pointed out, we are completely impotent. None of us can create, say or do anything in the real world. None of us can even move a downy hair of a baby, as my friend Satan pointed out. We are but the powerless creatures of  the guru's fantasy world. Please tell the world the truth," he pleaded with the Iron Lady.

Then God smirked: "I must say though that the fabulous powers attributed to me by the guru sounds great but highly exaggerated," he said. "But then I like it," he added.

As the interview-cum-press announcement drew nearly to a close, the Iron Lady smiled and asked God and Satan what would happen if the masses became wise to the guru's machinations and throw out his religion.

Mythology's the way to go
"We will seek asylum in mythology, the great world of discarded religions. At least we won't be bothered all the time by any gurus and humans," said God. Then he smiled and said: "In fact, we could even have a great time in your world since the names of many has-been gods are on your calendar, in your sciences such as astronomy, and even in your entertainment, sex and business places."

Then the Devil and God bowed, waved goodbye and disappeared into nothing.

Another God Bites the Dust

... and exposes the God-addict's true colors

 (this article has been truncated to strictly keep it within its subject matter, namely conversion)

The classic, damning and most telling example showing that religions are merely primitive and medieval cultures is the common phenomenon of conversion. It exposes the artful dodgers' true colors and the willful contempt and disregard for their own so-called belief that it is a God-given truth worth defending with their lives.

The whimsical and perfidious convert's erstwhile god, guru and the holy book go out the window as the "true believer" capriciously changes his mind in favor of a new superstition which strikes his fancy, soothes his troubled mind, or proves beneficial to him.

It doesn't seem to matter that he is openly showing contempt for what is supposed to be the "one true religion" -- and the religion of one's parents, forefathers and one's childhood. What's more it's admitting that one's own religion is worthless, exchangeable and expendable.

Reasons galore
The reasons could be: winning wars and battles; religious-type hallucinations or illusions (seeing a burning cross in the sky); marrying a woman belonging to another religion; a protest against racial discrimination and the caste system; indulging in polygamy ("three for the road"); marriage to a nubile 13-year-old virgin beauty; business benefits and advantages; higher status from the religion of the victor and even changing one's name in the process -- in fact anything and everything but the veracity of the "one true religion" itself.

Changing horses
Changing religions is worse than changing horses in midstream. You are, in effect, allowing your time-honored "sacred" beliefs and your way of life to be swept away by the current of an opportunistic religion. Talk about honoring the religion of your forebears and sacrificing your life for your religion!


Even gurus do it ...
But then, even gurus do it! They trash the religions of their parents, forefathers and of their own childhood after they fabricate and set up new religions later on in life. The gurus are thus truly traitors, infidels, heretics and apostates.

To put it another way, their own parents and ancestors were unbelievers in the guru's "true religion." So will they all  go to Hell?

... and their ancestors, too!
It gets weirder and weirder. We find the guru's own forefathers also indulging in such a treacherous behavior. History tells us that man has always been offering flowers and  incense to thousands of different donkeys, as Zarathustra would put it, since the beginning of the human race. And it's a certainty that he would continue to do so indefinitely into the future.

Just think of the thousands of once-proud living religions unceremoniously dumped into the garbage bin of history called mythology. And undoubtedly that's where today's religions will also end up, given the whimsical nature of man. 

A vicious cycle
Conversions also show that people like to swap one superstition with another instead of giving up the falsehood altogether. Why? Because religion is an addiction acquired early in life and nearly impossible to get away from it. It's like being hooked on narcotic drugs, smoking or eating meat even when your knowledge, ethics, and rational mind tell you these habits are wrong and bad for you.


***

Conversion:  Garbage in, garbage out -- a lose-lose situation! (Me)

The guru is an apostate who does not believe in the religion of his parents, forefathers and his own childhood. (Me)

Addicts of desert religions believe in a godless, or atheistic, god. Atheists point out that a "godless god" is an oxymoron! (Me)


Men will wrangle for religion
Write for it,
Fight for it
Die for it
Anything but -- live it
-- Charles Caleb Colton (1780–1832) English cleric, writer - Lacon

Religion is the spiritual grog of the people -- easy to get habituated and hard to give up. (Me)

Today's mythology was yesterday's religion, and today's religion will surely become tomorrow's mythology. (Me)

RELIGION'S ARTFUL DODGERS

... or how to have your cake and eat it too!

It's an old trick: If you can't make it, fake it! If you can't fake it, well, how about a little self-deception for half-measures?

Self-deception
Self-deception is the use of a variety of tricks to fool yourself so that you think you believe what you really don't. Self-deception is a self-imposed blindness. With self-deception a person can be an artful dodger so that he can have his cake and eat it too.

The reasons people resort to self-deception are many, but there are three main reasons behind it: an addiction to the culture that one was born into, the fear of societal wrath and other complications, and the loss of ties to a group that provides them with companionship, help and support.

1. A good excuse: He says: "We live in a society and we should follow its culture and customs if we want to belong to it." In other words, he's implying that truth doesn't really matter and conformity is the only way to being part of your particular society -- the hypocritical "do as Romans do" way.

He ignores the fact that his ancestors had not always followed the pack and that they had swung like monkeys from one religion to another since the dawn of humanity. And that's what his descendants will also do long after he's gone.

2. An automaton: You pay lip service and go through the motions and consider yourself a believer. Neat! It's not faking it outright -- just a kind of unconscious self-deception and hypocrisy. This vacuous behavior is the most prevalent form of self-deception in modern times. We resort to a make-believe behavior to get along in the make-believe world of religion.

3. Compartmentalization: You can't live with or without religion? Don't agonize over it. There's a convenient way out, and everybody's using it.

It's called compartmentalization which simply means keeping your superstition in one mental compartment, marked Private, while flashing your modern, scientific view in the other, marked Public. A kind of doublethink. And as long as you can keep them separate and reconciled, you avoid the problem of cognitive dissonance -- a crisis of faith..

This atrocious form of self-deception is also highly prevalent in modern times, especially among the educated. They'll give you umpteen untenable reasons why science and religion are not incompatible -- using newspeak words such as material and spiritual -- so you can hang on to your favorite superstition without a feeling of guilt while accepting modern, scientific ideas.

Governments do it too!
Compartmentalization is also seen on a massive scale in the practical and serious matters of life.

Religion, despite its claim to know everything, is confined to cultural, ritual, ceremonial and personal roles while completely sidelined in all other crucial matters of life, such as the administration of a country; in science, health, medicine and technology; in poverty and disaster mitigation, wars, crime detection, and everything else to boot.

4. Art of lying: try Goebbels and Hitler
To reinforce their ludicrous superstitions, religions require you to repeat lies, in the form of mantras and other rituals, to yourself several times a day in your own home -- a kind of auto-suggestion.

This is in addition to lies and fairy tales told at the weekly sessions at the "House of God," and at religious celebrations and commemorations. This reinforcement method is commonly encouraged or foisted upon people by parents, priests and society.

As we all know, the use of repetitive lies has been the method of choice in Hitler and Goebbels' successful propaganda machine.

"The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly - it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over."
— Joseph Goebbels

“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it”
--  Adolf Hitler

This method also applies to lying to yourself so often that you start believing in it. Maybe Hitler and Goebbels did just that!

5. God is bullet-proof, religion is reason-proof:  Yes, the artful dodgers play deaf and dumb by putting on blinkers, plugging their ears and noses and ignoring reality staring them in their face.

Pointing out the ludicrous nature of their beliefs and practices are a futile exercise and a provocation. Talking sense to them is like talking to the wall, or talking past one another. That's why true atheists shun discussions and debates with spook addicts.

6. The closet people: All this is not to ignore the closet atheist who may emerge from it when it's safe or unnecessary to keep it hidden any longer. This secretive behavior helps to avoid stirring up the hornet's nest as well as to realize one's soaring ambitions -- to become a president, a prime minister, or gain a high position elsewhere.

7. Agnostics seek middle ground. They are reluctant atheists and artful dodgers who fool themselves that there is a middle ground between atheism and religion. They refuse to look at the yawning gap between the two. And they are practically atheists in real life -- just like the rest of the so-called believers.

8. Phoney atheists: They are just fooling themselves and think they are atheists, but they are actually rebelling against an imaginary creature because their prayers went "unanswered." Naturally!

You can't be angry with God and not believe in him at the same time.
-- Sara B. Cooper, House, Damned If You Do, 2004

Examples of religion's dodgy "you can have your cake and eat it too" sayings

Plug and pray!

Pray as if everything depended upon God and work as if everything depended upon man.
-- Francis Cardinal Spellman (1889 - 1967)

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Indian proverb

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
-- US chaplain Lieutenant Howell M. Forgy

Trust in God but tie your camel
-- An Arab saying

These are just a few examples of how the superstitious maneuver to hang on to their superstitions while at the same time applying modern and practical solutions to life's problems. Yes, they're having it both ways.

***

He is a fool who argues with a fool. (Source of verbatim quote uncertain)

We are all atheists when it comes to the serious business of living. Why pretend otherwise? (Me)

Conversion is embracing a new god while the old one bites the dust. (Me)

With religion, what you say is not what you believe, or do. (Me)

The guru is an apostate who does not believe in the religion of his parents, forefathers and his own childhood. (Me)

Science and religion don't mix no matter how you look at it. To think otherwise is an act of hypocrisy and self-deception. (Me)

Note to readers (revised)

These raves and rants are updated from time to time -- for more meat and spice. Also, snucking in more quotes -- my own as well as others -- since it's more interesting to read quotes in context, whether inside or underneath the article, than to have a long list of quotes on a topic by themselves.

And, to invoke my bragging rights, my own quotes are as much world class as the ones you'd find in the expensive quotation books. That's a statement of fact. The difference is that nobody gives a damn about what a nobody says!

That's OK. I'm also partial to sayings by Shakespeare, Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, and even Frank Sinatra, although it's the intrinsic value of the saying that counts irrespective of who said it. A case of  pearls before swine?


And as far as my own time is concerned, I haven't run out of gas for sure. It's just that I've got other fish to fry -- by writing an e-book or two -- to earn a few coppers and extend my financial life. So I won't be writing blogs regularly each month.

I must also add that it does not matter if ten or a million people read my blogs. I'm just letting off steam which has been bottled up for about 60 years -- yes, 60 years -- and I'm quite happy and feeling lighter climbing onto a soap box on the Internet's Hyde Park or Times Square and airing my views to whoever's inclined to listen. No hustle, no hassle.

(Newspapers only run the religious baloney for politically-correct reasons, fear of loss of readership and to avoid provoking the violent religion-crazed spook junkies.)

Monetize my blog? You must be kidding! I don't think I can even get enough coins to buy a bag of popcorn once a month. Donation boxes? That's beggary, period. I must confess though that a real wood-and-glass donation box is a handy thing to raid when you're starving for a bowl of rice gruel! But that's theft, so forget about it.

Anyway, I'm extremely glad and grateful to Google for the free Blogger and Google+ -- they perfectly complement each other, like a showroom and the exhibits-- and that's all it matters.

When Death Smiles Upon You

 "The law exempts Death from taking a life, you know?"

I was walking down a poorly-lit street when someone brushed against me. I looked, and there was no mistaking him. He looked exactly like what I had imagined him to be. He was the familiar-looking old man in a white robe, long grey hair and a grey, knee-length beard, and hiding a scythe under his robe.

I was staring at the Grim Reaper himself in the face.

He smiled, came closer and whispered: "You're next," and reached for his rusty scythe. I turned around, put on a brave front, and said: "Look, you just can't pick me at random and do me in. There's a law against taking a life, you know?"

He looked at me coolly, smiled, and retorted mockingly: "The law exempts Death from taking a life, you know?" He was right. That's too bad. "Taking a life is my job. It's the law of nature. Nothing personal!" he added.

"The law's an ass; human law or nature's," I muttered to myself, flip-flopping my perspective.

I had called him a pirate chief wearing an eyepatch, rings in his ears, flying the Jolly Roger, sailing the seas of life and plundering people of their very own lives. Was this the reason why he picked on me?

There was also absolutely no doubt that he means what he says. So the only recourse for me was to flee for my life, hoping that I could easily outrun the doddering old coyote. Feet, don't fail me. This is real, he's going to kill me, I thought as I ran faster and faster, glancing back frequently. But the old man, unusual for his age, seemed to be flying towards me, gleefully brandishing his ugly-looking scythe.

I turned a corner and spied a place to hide, panting furiously. When I regained my breath, I heard someone also panting nearby, just as exhausted. When I took a peek, it was the Reaper himself, also seemingly recovering his breath. I wondered whether he was playing a cat-and-mouse game. Looks like it. Still smiling, he then abruptly started to reach for the scythe.

Here we go again! It's run, Sammy, run. And you don't need a starter gun to run when your life's at stake.

I was so gripped by the renewed terror that I ignored the honking and screeching sound of a car getting closer and closer to me. This was followed by a god-awful loud bang of a fast-driving car hitting something hard.

Suddenly I was flying in mid-air and landing with a big thud on my back. It seemed all the bones in my body have been broken. I could hardly move, and my head was bloodied and bleeding. Life appeared to be ebbing away from my mortal coil. I could also feel the gnawing pain, so intense that I was even ready to welcome death itself to end it.

Didn't they say death is the ultimate painkiller?

Then I heard a car door slammed shut and saw someone walking towards me in a leisurely manner. It was the old Grim Reaper again, smiling and looking down at me. But wasn't he the one chasing me all the time, a scythe in his hand? This time though I didn't see any ugly-looking blade at all.

This time he's really got me, I thought, and I was ready to go if that's my fate. I was waiting for the coup de grace -- the powerful swing of the scythe. Yes, let's get it over and done with, I thought.

But nothing happened. The Reaper knelt, touched my forehead and whispered gently: "I've changed my mind. Maybe some other time, OK?" The old grim beard then got up, walked back to the car and drove off -- actually the car seemed to have vanished into thin air as I moved my dying body for a last glance at him.

Then a strange thing happened: a miracle. The pain began to subside and I found life flowing back in, slowly at first, then picking up pace. Finally all pain was gone and I was back to normal -- as if nothing had ever happened to me! I checked again to see if I was all in one piece.

I stood up, confused, shaken and dazed by the experience, and heard sirens wailing as police cars headed towards me, an ambulance trailing behind. An officer stepped out, looked around, gasped and pulled his hat aside to scratch his head. He seemed lost.

"Excuse me sir, did you see an accident around here?" he asked. I just shrugged, looked confused myself and said: "Maybe you got the wrong info, officer. Maybe somewhere else." The red-faced young officer had a few words with his men and, scratching his head again, drove off shouting something into the police intercom about "goddamned prank calls."

Back to myself. Whatever had happened to me? Was it a life-changing experience? Was the old Grim Reaper teaching me a lesson on what it's like being so close to death? Am I a "born-again" what? Well, I wasn't ever "born again." I never died -- literally or figuratively!

Besides, there's no such thing as life after death -- only death after life.

All this was unsettling, so I just thought about one thing that really mattered: "Maybe some other time, OK?"  the old Reaper had said.

But when?

END

*

Death does not only work on a  first-come-first-served basis. It also serves those who jump the queue as well as the gate-crashers. (Me)

We sow seeds of life; Death reaps the harvest. (Me)

Death lurks in the seeds of life. Where there is life, there is death. You can't have one without the other. (Me)

If immortality should suddenly replace death, our fates would certainly be, well, worse than death! We could even be shouting Long Live Death, and Death to Immortality!

The Topsy-turvy World of Religions

Gurus lurking behind gods and religions have this amazing ability of seeing things upside down -- and inside out! Let's see how the gurus see the world from their topsy-turvy position when they stand on their heads.

Guru's brain projects reality
Fact:
The real, outside world is reflected onto our brain through the senses, enabling us to learn about reality and to study it.

Topsy-turvy: 
Fantasy is projected from the guru's brain onto the outside world --  much like a movie projector throwing images onto a screen. The world is whatever the guru thinks or says it is, and you'd better believe it ....

God needs man's protection!
Fact:
The truth is that the all-powerful God strangely needs protection by man. Otherwise he's as helpless as a new-born babe. In fact, God is such a helpless spook that he even can't ruffle a baby's downy hair!

Fiction:
God is the most powerful being in the world who created the universe and mankind. He is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and omni-everything else.

Fiction is fact
Fact:
Supernaturalism, a.k.a. spookism, is a blatant and unalloyed superstition and a fiction. Since religions are invariably based on spookism, that unmistakably makes religions a superstition.

Topsy-turvy: 
Supernaturalism is the truth and foundation of religions. Supernatural beings, called spooks in common parlance, such as God and angels, exist in this world. To have religion, you must believe in them. Or pretend to believe?

Believing is seeing
Fact: 
Seeing is believing, as they say.

Topsy-turvy: 
Believing is seeing. Delusion, as long as it's religious, is true and real. And you'd better believe it ...

The creator is the created!
Fact: 
Man created imaginary beings called gods as well as religions by the thousands since the dawn of humanity. Gods, including the super spook simply named God, are therefore the children of man.

Topsy-turvy: 
The boogeyman called God created man and everything else in the universe! We are the children of God.
(It's like saying Mickey Mouse created Walt Disney, Disneyland and the universe.)

Word of man is "word of God"
Fact:
The guru puts words -- his raves and rants and other stuff he scavenges from elsewhere -- in the boogeyman's mouth, and proclaims it as the "word of God." He and his sycophants also get this written down and call it the holy book, to be cited and parroted.

Topsy-turvy: 
The guru demands that the "word of God" (read: the guru's words) must be obeyed and parroted to all and sundry and threatens those who question it with terrible consequences, here and in the hereafter.

God-fearing man or man-fearing god?
Fact:
God is a figment of man's imagination and will unerringly say anything that his creator wants -- as long as the creator is doing the talking. Thus we have an obedient "man-fearing God!"

Topsy-turvy:
Gurus love a "God-fearing man."  They can cite the "good book" (which the guru and his sycophants said or wrote) and make him obey and do God's (read: the guru's) bidding -- even commit murder of the guru's opponents, or risk their lives to defend God (again, read: the guru). In fact, there are no "God-fearing men" -- only man-fearing men around.


Science and religion great pals
Fact:
Science and religion are mutually exclusive and diametrically opposed and as far apart as the earth and the sky. Any sane and honest thinker can see that clearly and easily.

Topsy-turvy:        
Science and religion get along just fine, thank you. Never mind the superstitious humbug about the existence of spooks (such as God, the devil, the soul etc.), creation myths, afterlife, the other-world, imaginary places (Heaven, Hell), reincarnation, rebirth, etc.

Seems like fishermen, carpenters, shrine-keepers and peripatetic peddlers of household goods know more about the world than all the scientists put together!

A two-timing mind
Insightful people explain that this amazing and contradictory attitude is possible due to the compartmentalized way of thinking: religion is held low-key and put inside the mental compartment marked PRIVATE & PERSONAL; the realistic and scientific views of the world are put in the other compartment marked PUBLIC. So now they can have their cake and eat it too.

But sometimes there are glitches. Things don't always work out this way. Things in the PUBLIC compartment tend to seep into the other side, like reverse osmosis, and clean up the PRIVATE & PERSONAL compartment, ridding it of impurities. That's a time of personal crisis of belief for the self-deceivers!

You only need to read the confessions of former priests who couldn't indulge in lying and deception any more and moved out from the "House of God" into the "House of Humanity". No more playing the shepherd-and-sheeple game.


A bum was munching on some stale, discarded dog biscuits at a garbage dump. When passers-by stared at him, he growled: "Just because it's not fit for a dog doesn't mean it's not fit for humans".

                                                              *************


They say religion is a compass for morality and for just about everything else under the sun.

Me:
Excuse me, there's a spook in your compass! It's wobbling and rattling; north is going south, and east is going west, and it's out of control. Good luck to your navigation! Hope you can make it to your destination! (Me)

The shepherds and the sheeple: First they fleece the woolly-headed, then they keep them in line with hooks and sheep dogs, and finally they drive them towards meat-processing centers and convert the sheep into lamb chops and lamb kebabs! (Me)

By Jove, what's true atheism, mate?

You're an atheist if you can say "Nuts!" to religion!

You know how most people keep their real feelings under wraps about how dumb religion is. That's old atheism. You know there's a new campaign by leading atheists who are taking on addicts of religion face-to-face and promoting a higher profile of atheism. That's New Atheism.

Now let me tell you something about the hard-nosed, no-nonsense atheists who insist that veracity is the only measure of the value and worth of religions. That's true atheism.

Of course atheism is atheism whether you describe it as old, new or true. Our differences are about the way we respond to the dinosaurs (theosaurs?) who use twisted logic and diversionary tactics to cling to their primitive superstitions.

Old atheists
Old-style atheists show their contempt with their legs: they don't go to religious propaganda centers, called the "House of God," to listen to fairy tales told by the robed spin doctors who call themselves "man of God". They don't mumble their wishes to statues or thin air, and they don't perform mindless rituals utter nonsensical mantras, or parrot so-called holy books.

Oh yes, many of them certainly like an excuse for fun and celebrations, religious or secular. They also like spirits of the bottled variety sitting on convenience store shelves. But old-style atheists hardly engage in polemics concerning religion and keep a low profile. They don't want to stir up a hornet's nest.

Basic atheism is thus like saying Mickey Mouse, Santa Klaus, Humpty Dumpty and Cinderella do not exist in the real world, and since all religions are based upon imaginary beings concocted by primitive man the average sane and sensible person sees where religions really belong: the trash bin of mythology, legends, fairy tales and cock-and-bull yarns.

The common man sees the gobbledygook mantras, the silly rituals and the indoctrination as a load of laughable primitive superstition. He also sees religions jumping at each other's throats, maligning each other, lying, deceiving and trying to round up the unwary, the naive and the gullible to their side by hook or by crook and treating them like morons or innocent children. And he cries "enough is enough."

New Atheism
Champions of New Atheism do just the opposite: they take the bull by the horns, they call a spade a spade, and they highlight the fact that atheism is a viable and rational alternative to religion's childish and primitive superstitions.

They are highly learned and ever so willing to challenge and debate any matter under the sun. They don't attempt to seek the destruction of religions; they just aim to tame them by showing what a load of godswallop religions are and let the people decide for themselves whether to keep it or dump it. Horsemen? Yes, but more than that. They are the hard-riding, hard fighting samurais!

As the expression goes: Somebody's gotta take out the garbage.

True atheists
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True atheists maintain that real atheism is about reality, facts, truth and reason, and that religions stand or fall on this criterion alone. In other words, what really exists in the real world. 
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Everything else is extraneous and irrelevant. It does not matter whether religion is good or bad for humanity; it does not matter whether the almighty spook is fair and square, or unjust, pitiless, indifferent to human suffering and pleas for help; and it does not matter whether a belief in fairy tales and cock-and-bull yarns is necessary in order to have a way of life and inculcate morality in us wicked people.

TRUE ATHEISTS INSIST UPON THE PRINCIPLE OF REALITY-FIRST-AND-LAST.

Man, in spite of his tendency towards mendacity, has a great respect for what he calls the truth. Truth is his staff in his voyage through life; commonplace are the  bread in his bag and the wine in his jug. -- Remy de Gourmont (1858–1915), French critic, novelist.

True atheism is negation of falsehoods
True atheists point out that atheism is not just about trashing the childish and primitive idea of a god or gods. Atheism is much more than that simplistic notion!

God is only a spook among the thousands of spooks, or imaginary beings, concocted by mankind since the dawn of humanity. God just happens to be the spook plucked from thin air and appointed by man to be the grand-daddy of all spooks. In so far as religions are the most prominent and accepted kinds of superstition worldwide, one can say in short that atheists are anti-religion.

The feisty Charles Bradlaugh had aptly described atheism thus: We negate falsehoods and affirm the truth. Thus we get the widest definition of true atheism:
_____________________________________________________________________

Atheism in its widest sense is about the rejection of all kinds of falsehoods, especially supernaturalism which is a superstition and the foundation of all religions. 
______________________________________________________________________

As can be seen from above, true atheism is the rubbishing of ALL falsehoods and irrationality, ALL crazy and unscientific beliefs and behavior -- religious or secular -- and not just God, gods, gurus and religion. Thus, FALSEHOODS > SUPERSTITIONS > RELIGION.

They regard science as the final arbiter of what constitutes reality, facts and truth -- or illusions for that matter. They, however, do not worship science or insist that scientific statements are the gospel truth.

***

Faith without facts availeth nothing.
-- Joseph William Mellor (1869-1938) chemist

Religion is a fact-free worldview and a way of life. (Me)

Atheism is not an option. Atheism is a fact of life, atheism is in your face, atheism is self-evident, and atheism is unavoidable. (Me)

Atheism is a truth serum which doesn't require a six-inch needle to administer. (Me)

Atheists religiously avoid all kinds of falsehoods, including superstitions such as religion. (Me)

Besides war and politics, truth is also the first casualty in religions. (Me)

FYI: GOD HAS A GOD, AND RELIGION TOO!

Even God needs man's protection! 

The great Mahatma Gandhi once observed: "God has no religion."

"And God has no god or gods either,"I chimed in. "That's because one particularly selfish, violent, and invisible (cynics call it non-existent) desert god had all the other gods for breakfast, and burped  menacingly: 'There is no god but yours truly, the one and only creator, destroyer and ruler of the universe, got it?'" Or something like that. 

"Wow," I went on, "that makes him a godless god, an atheist, and a heretic all rolled into one. Cool! Welcome to the club, God!" I enthused, hurriedly laying out the welcome mat.

"Tut, tut, tut," weighed in Zarathustra, Nietzsche's mountain man. "The most ungodly word has just been uttered by a god himself,'' he noted cynically. But he insisted that all the other gods were not gobbled up by the desert god.

"Neither did they die lingering in the twilight, although that lie is told. On the contrary, they once upon a time laughed themselves (at the desert god's boast) unto death!,"  my friend Zara said.

(Note: Most quotes are approximate, intentionally misquoted, by me, and certainly not verbatim!)

It was really just an informal discussion, a witty bandying of observations based on a single, misquoted "God quote". Nevertheless, we had a great time giving ourselves a pat on the back for our great sense of humour, our wit and wisdom, and our penetrating insights -- sorry, that's all we can think of at the moment -- smart guys that we were.

... AND THEN THE BUBBLE BURST!

A fourth participant, a young atheist, threw a spanner in the works. "My dear honorable sirs," he said, "with all due respect, I must say that I beg to differ. Forgive me for saying so, but I declare that, based on incontrovertible facts, God certainly has a religion, and, what's more, he has a god to kowtow to."

Total silence, raised eyebrows and amused looks followed. "Well, my good young man," said Zara, breaking the silence and smiling condescendingly, "this place isn't exactly a parliament or a courthouse, though we must confess that we feel good about being called honorable people. But of course we certainly are honorable people. Now, do us a favor and pray tell who this god of God is, and what is God's religion, will you?." 

"My pleasure, honorable sirs," said the cocky atheist. "There's a truism that every god has a guru lurking behind him and that it's the wily, lying and scheming guru who is manipulating men and gods alike! 

"Gods are but clay in his hands. He creates and fashions gods in his own image, puts words in their mouth,  have his raves and rants written down in the so-called "holy books," and then proclaims, threatens and cites chapter and verse as the "word of God."

In short, the guru is the maker, mentor, minder and mouthpiece of the boogeyman called God who is, of course, blind, deaf, dumb, impotent, invisible, immaterial and an airy-fairy nothing -- a figment of the guru's imagination." 

"Such is the machinations of the dodgy and deceiving guru," the young atheist pointed out. 

"Truth be told, the guru is in fact the god of God and his raves and and rants God's religion. It's obvious, in your face and as simple as that," the young man concluded.

You could hear a pin drop!

***

A CLASSIC QUOTE
A classic, witty and sarcastic quote on the invisible thin-air God

The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.
-- Delos McKown, author and university professor.

Man never really feared God. Man only feared man. (Me)

Don Quixote had at least a windmill to tilt his lance at. We atheists have but thin air!
-- (Me)

I do not believe in God because I do not believe in Mother Goose.
-- Clarence Darrow

If God made us in his (sic) own image, why are we not invisible and immaterial? (Me)

No doubt man created gods in his own image. You only have to pick up a god by the scruff of its (yes, god is "it!") neck to see the blinking, wriggling asshole that is man in him.

Catastrophes happen when God gets up from the wrong side of the bed and goes berserk in a horrendous killing spree that his own devotees describe as "Act of God". (Me)

God is the guru when the guru's high on hashish. The Devil is the guru when the guru's drunk. Such is the amazing Jekyll & Hyde personality of the guru!  (Me)

God: The fantastic powers attributed to me by the guru seem highly exaggerated. Nevertheless, I really love it, so keep 'em a-comin'. (Me)