To haw-haw is better than to jaw-jaw (2)

She fell in love with a cannibal -- and lost her heart and all.

*

At first he only asked for her hand -- and then helped himself to everything else after the deal was clinched.

*

A wicked-hearted loan shark threatened to beat the grave of a man with a stick to demand repayment of a debt. Crazy? Well, the debtor's relatives promptly paid up!

*

How do you pronounce "jee-oh-dee"?
Answer: Depends on whether you're reading the word from left to right or the other way around!

*

People are funny: they can believe in the wrong thing but do the right thing at the same time. Blame reality -- the self-deceiving nutter subconsciously knows you can say or believe in any baloney as long as you don't act upon it.

*

The modern way of life and death: born in a hospital, died there, buried in a landfill or roasted in an incinerator.

*

The "holy book" is full of holes. No wonder cynics call it a "holey book."

*

Spookist: I've seen angels.
Atheist: And I've seen God. He looked like thin air.

*

Spook nutter: God created the universe.
Atheist. And Mickey Mouse created Walt Disney, Disneyland, and the universe.

*

Spook addict: God created mankind
Not sure about that, but I believe babies were delivered to their parents by busy storks.

*

Spook junkie: God created the universe.
Atheist: And man made it livable.

*

Spook believer: I believe in Heaven and Hell
Atheist: And I believe there are 5-star hotels and rip-roaring red-light districts on Mars.

*

They believe their god is like a magician, pulling ribbons and rabbits out of a tall hat! And they call that a creation -- instead of abracadabra.

*

"Let there be light,'' boomed a voice. And night turned into day.
(Edison might have said that to demonstrate the magical power of his bulbs.)

*

A true story: A friend says he believes in a religious spook whose feet are pointing in the opposite direction. Poor thing, I wish I could recommend a chiropodist for the spook.

*

People don't suffer from venereal diseases anymore, thanks to Venus, the goddess of Love, who threatened a defamation lawsuit against the medical profession. People only get STDs now.

*

Be wary of godfellas in the "House of God" -- they have a habit of pointing to the sky and picking your back pocket.

*

Some people think wearing a condom is like kissing a girl with a plastic wrap over her lips. No wonder we still have overpopulation in an age of condoms!

*

Everyone who survives a disaster likes to say "God spared me," never mind if 200 others, including babies and old ladies, have died.

*

How do you manage 72 virgin angels?
Do they have Holy Viagra in Heaven?

*

Spook addict: I believe in Heaven and Hell
Skeptic: I believe the Moon is made of cheese, and Mars of chocolate. It's part of my religion so you must respect my belief.