To Haw-Haw Is Better Than To Jaw-Jaw (4)

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Hatchet man
During a slack period, a junior editor (some unkind people call them hackers and hewers) appeared to be absorbed in the "holy book" and holding a red pencil in hand. A friendly colleague smiled at him and remarked: "Nice change from boring politics, disgusting crime, bloody wars and heart-rending disaster stories, isn't it?"

"Uh, uh", said the studious young editor without taking his eyes off the book. "Actually, I'm just trying to see how much the holy book could be edited down. There's a lot of tautology, euphemisms, double entendres, sexually explicit passages, graphic depictions of horrendous behavior -- like newborns being bashed against rocks -- incitement to violence and murder, pandering unrealistic hopes and fantasies -- the list is endless.

"Who knows, I might even end up with just a paragraph or two when I'm through with it!"

*

An irony: We learn bad things from the "good book."

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A word to the wise
There's a saying that we shouldn't discuss politics, football and religion (not necessarily in that order) in order to avoid murder and mayhem. Well said.

One for the wardrobe
A cross-dresser could be someone who had received the wrong laundry bag -- and deciding to keep it!.

The guru knows best
Devotees of religions think with their gurus' brain. This saves a lot of wear and tear on their own brain tissues.
(Inspired by a similar quote on the internet)

Manimals
Man, while looking down on his fellow creatures, is constantly haunted by the striking similarity between man and beast.

It is a well-known fact that humans are the highest of the higher animals.That makes us "manimals." And we thought we were just "sheeples" led by holy shepherds wielding hooks and using sheep dogs to keep us on the straight and narrow.

Carnivores
Some people seem to think hamburgers, sausages and roast chicken grow on trees. Nice way though to not lose your appetite!

Faith is STD
Religions are sexually-transmitted cultures -- and a disease. We don't choose our religions. They are passed down by our parents who also got theirs from their parents, and so on. It's all in the family tree.

Religions belong to the fiction department. That's a fact.

Up to no good
An irony: You learn bad things from the "good books."

The "holy" books need an unholy skull and crossbones warning on the cover: "Danger -- read it at your own risk. Needs counselling after reading."  They also need a disclaimer: "The characters and events portrayed in this book are mainly a work of medieval fiction and bear no resemblance whatsoever to actual persons or events."
(Inspired by something like that on the web.)

Oh, by the way, there's also a danger you might fall off the chair laughing your guts out.

Godfellas
Bald, toupee-wearing salesmen peddling "miracle hair restorer."

A bum and dog biscuits
A bum was munching some stale, discarded dog biscuits at a garbage dump. When passers-by stared at him, he growled: "Just because it's not fit for a dog doesn't mean it's not fit for a man."

A healthy advice
Keep your body hydrated and your brain oxygenated .