To Haw-Haw Is Better Than To Jaw-Jaw (3)

To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.
-- Winston Churchill


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Note: Hope readers realize this is sarcasm.

Wars and alliances
Wars are the last resort in your attempt to force your opponents to STFU.
Alliances are made when small bullies suck up to big bullies and form gangs.
Armed gangs keep in shape by holding "exercises" and occasional gang bangs.
World Wars happen when gang bangs go international.
Peace is when you hold a victory parade with mountains of severed heads lining the route.

Controlling overpopulation
Wars are a great partner to natural catastrophes and normal deaths since they help greatly to reduce overpopulation.

The art of rubble-making
Wars are a great way to reduce cities to a rubble or skeleton buildings so that spanking new modern cities may emerge and keep builders and tenants happy.

Testing WMDs
Wars are also a great way to test the effectiveness of your new-fangled WMDs, never mind if a few thousand innocent civilians become "collateral damage". If the weapons need some tweaking, why, just tweak it and try again --  and kill a few thousand more. Tough!

Peaceful coexistence
When weak handshakes and plastic smiles hide the burning desire to reduce the enemy country to an oil slick. 

God-forsaken commander
A commander's first words: "We don't need tanks and planes to fight a war when God is on our side."
The commander's last words: "If God is with us, who can be against us?"
A word to the wise: "God is usually on the side of big squadrons and against little ones."
-- Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

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The most dangerous WMD
Religion is a weapon of mass delusion. It is more dangerous than other kinds of WMDs since it affects billions of people all over the world.

If God created us in his image, why aren't we invisible and immaterial?

When the going gets tough, the meek gets going -- in the opposite direction.

I used to be dogmatic. Now I'm pigmatic.

An open mind: Make sure people don't put garbage in it. (from elsewhere)

Way to go
The way to a man's heart is below the belly button.
(Also came across this on the web some time ago. Seems to be an old saying. Well, great minds sometimes think alike!)

Some like it hot!
Some people like porn while others pretend to dislike it. Still others enjoy it freely and call themselves censors only doing their duty!

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The unkindest cut

Religions don't even leave your family jewels alone.

Heard from a friend:
The young man limped back to his foster parents' home after visiting his biological parents. When the foster mother learned about what had happened, she cried: "They cut off his tiddlywinks. They cut off his tiddlywinks. How could they do this to my boy?" She found some cash in his pocket which they used as a bribe to overcome his resistance to initiate him into their religion.

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"I've found it!"
You don't need to climb mountains, venture into caves, or sit under a banyan tree in a forest to find truth. In fact, truth can even be found in a bathtub! Think Archimedes, think "eureka!"

Worse than snakes
There are animals, and then there are manimals -- the reputed highest of the higher animals. Local wisdom doing the rounds in animal circles say that if you come across a manimal and a snake, bite the manimal first.

Rebirth, reincarnation, life after death
One of the most common bullshit religions foist upon their moronic believers. Listen to the modern primitives  bandying about the "soul" and the "next life," or becoming a previous living being again and many dummies don't seem to have a problem about it. Others just take it as a part of a traditional myth to pay lip service, smile and carry on with the more serious business of life.

Any borrower promising to repay a $1 million bank loan in the next life could either end up under the bus or in a loony bin. Shows banks and religions just don't mix.